Unrequited;
Couple of days ago, GF asked me a very simple question which she'd no answer for herself for. "Are you happy?" Likewise, I do not know why, but I was stunned for words. All we probably could say was, "I am not sad." Why? This is such a common question, yet, I can't find the answer to it.. What is happiness? Can anyone tell me? Or is it, I'm too afraid to accept happiness, because happiness to me, is often gone even before you really experience it. (at least for me)
That night at East coast park with love, you made me realized how contented I should be. At least, I never need to worry about the neccessities of life; I've got a great family, a comfortable living condition, good food, nice clothing, able to be spendthrift once in awhile. These are things that some of my friends around me do not get to enjoy, so what more can I ask for?
However, I realized that as I try not to take them for granted, I am actually (stupidly) fretting over external factors, like friends. I need not elaborate on this part, but, I ought to know I am very lucky to have at least that one silly girl whom stayed by me for the past 7 years. *GF, thank you. Though I often get angry with you over minor things, though we once had a bad past, though sometimes I do not agree everything that you say or do, but still, thank you!*
Love, thanks for making me realized that I am very xing fu already. All along I knew this fact, but yet, fortunate doesn't necessarily equates with happiness. One day, when I know and really feel happy, I will tell you. (:
I had once,
an untold bad childhood past.
Till now,
it has never stopped haunting me.
I am sorry,
but to be able to walk out of it,
seems impossible..
I am constantly trying,
thus, please wait.
maxine